Ned Nugget answers the “Call to Doody” and other Republicans who ducked the draft…

I am sick of Republicans critizings President Obama’s foreign policy or ability to lead our armed forces…seems to me he has a pretty good record on both counts.  But just to see how some top Republican Icons answered the Call to Duty, I did a little research:

George W. Bush wasn’t exactly a draft dodger he managed to protect the US from the Vietnamese invasion of Texas back in the day.  However, Cheney saved absolutely nothing by getting no less than 5 deferments. He managed to defer the draft once in ’63 to attend his community college after crapping out at Yale. He transferred to a new school and got a second deferment the same year. Next year came number three. A year later it was time for graduate school, so that’s another deferment. Then he got married…but, unfortunately for Cheney, the next year the ban on drafting married men with no children was lifted. Amazingly, 9 months and two days later, Cheney was a dad.  A  year later he was too old to be drafted. Stunning.

Rush Limbaugh managed to skirt the draft at first on a deferment for school, then he dropped out and that made him prime fightin’ material until….his ass got in the way. Rush Limbaugh got out of military service for having a pilonidal cyst. What’s that, you ask? That’s a big ol’ ass cyst.

The cyst forms in your ass crack and is, you know, an ass cyst. Look it up. But it was Limbaugh’s medical condition and it kept him out of active service. Apparently Limbaugh denies that today and says it’s liberal propaganda, but Snopes tends to disagree with him.

Ted Nugent used to be known for being a musician, even a good one (say some). Nowadays he’s known as a crazy conservative coot who loves guns and hunting. Technically nothing wrong with that, but when you become an extreme conservative mouthpiece gun nut who curses out the President while gibbering on about his automatic weapons, you qualify for some hilarious irony jokes when it turns out you dodged the hell out of the draft because you were afraid of military service.

When it came time for Nugent to serve his country,  Teddy boy elected to find a way out of service. But unlike our more civil dodgers who used deferments and fake gayness, Nugent came up with not bathing and shitting his pants for 30 straight days before he was to appear at the draft office. There’s no metaphor there either, he literally didn’t bathe for a month and appeared at the draft office smeared in his own shit and piss. So he got out of active duty by being shamefully disgusting. What a guy. What a coward.

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