While you were sleeping

And Lo, did Republican Jesus™ come down among the masses and holding his tablet PC, did he give unto his disciples the NEW (and improved) Ten Commandments. “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Socialism, out of the house of Communism.”

1. You shall have no other gods before me, especially that terrorist monkey god, Mohammed.[i]

2. You shall not make for yourself any carved image; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them except for the Holy Benjamins. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting poverty of the fathers on the children of those (as in those people) who hate me, but showering material riches unto thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments. Also, you shall have guns. All you want.

3. You shall not take the name of your God…