Apologies to Dr. Seuss
HOW THE TRUMP STOLE AMERICA
By John Pavlovitz
In a land where the states are united, they claim,
in a sky-scraping tower adorned with his name,
lived a terrible, horrible, devious chump,
the bright orange miscreant known as the Trump.
This Trump he was mean, such a mean little man,
with the tiniest heart and two tinier hands,
and a thin set of lips etched in permanent curl,
and a sneer and a scowl and contempt for the world.
He looked down from his perch and he grinned ear to ear,
and he thought, “I could steal the election this year!
It’d be rather simple, it’s so easily won,
I’ll just make them believe that their best days are done!
Yes, I’ll make them believe that it’s all gone to Hell,
and I’ll be Jerk Messiah and their souls they will sell.
And I’ll use lots of words disconnected from truth,
but I’ll say them with style so they won’t ask for proof.
I’ll toss out random platitudes, phrases, and such,
They’re so raised on fake news that it won’t matter much!
They won’t question the how to, the what, why, or when,
I will make their America great once again!”
The Trump told them to fear, they should fear he would say,
“They’ve all come for your jobs, they’ll all take them away.
You should fear every Muslim and Mexican too,
every brown, black, and tan one, everyone who votes blue.”
And he fooled all the Christians, he fooled them indeed,
He just trotted out Jesus, that’s all Jesus folk need.
And celebrity preachers they all crowned him as king,
Tripping over themselves just to kiss the Trump’s ring.
And he spoke only lies just as if they were true,
Until they believed all of those lies were true too.
He repeated and Tweeted and he blustered and spit,
And he mislead and fibbed—and he just made up sh*t.
And the media laughed but they printed each line,
thinking “He’ll never will win, in the end we’ll be fine.”
So they chased every headline, bold typed every claim,
‘Till the fake news and real news they looked just the same.
And the scared folk who listened, they devoured each word,
Yes, they ate it all up every word that they heard,
petrified that their freedom was under attack,
trusting Trump he would take their America back.
From the gays and from ISIS, he’d take it all back,
Take it back from the Democrats, fat cats, and blacks.
And so hook, line, and sinker they all took the bait,
all his lies about making America great.
Now the Pant-suited One she was smart and prepared,
she was brilliant and steady but none of them cared,
no they cared not to see all the work that she’d done,
or the fact they the Trump had not yet done thing one.
They could only shout “Emails!”, yes “Emails!” they’d shout,
because Fox News had told them—and Fox News had clout.
And the Pant-suited One she was slandered no end,
and a lie became truth she could never defend.
And the Trump watched it all go according to plan—
a strong woman eclipsed by an insecure man.
And November the 8th arrived, finally it came,
like a slow-moving storm but it came just the same.
And Tuesday became Wednesday as those days will do,
And the night turned to morning and the nightmare came true,
With millions of non-voters still in their beds,
Yes, the Trump he had done it, just like he had said.
And the Trumpers they trumped, how they trumped when he won,
All the racists and bigots; deplorable ones,
they crawled out from the woodwork, came out to raise Hell,
they came out to be hateful and hurtful as well.
With slurs and with road signs, with spray paint and Tweets,
with death threats to neighbors and taunts on the street.
And the grossest of grossness they hurled on their peers,
while the Trump he said zilch—for the first time in years.
But he Tweeted at Hamilton, he Tweeted the Times,
And he trolled Alec Baldwin a few hundred times,
and he pouted a pout like a petulant kid,
thinking this is what Presidents actually did.
Thinking he could still be a perpetual jerk,
terrified to learn he had to actually work,
work for every American, not just for a few,
not just for the white ones—there was much more to do.
He now worked for the Muslims and Mexicans too,
for the brown, black, and tan ones, and the ones who vote blue.
They were all now his bosses, now they all had a say,
and those nasty pant-suited ones were here to stay.
And the Trump he soon realized that he didn’t win,
He had gotten the thing—and the thing now had him. And it turned out the Trump was a little too late,
for America was already more than quite great.
Not because of the sameness, the opposite’s true,
It’s greatness far more than just red, white, and blue,
It’s straight, gay, and female—it’s Gentile and Jew,
It’s Transgender and Christian and Atheist too.
It’s Asians, Caucasians of every kind,
The disabled and abled, the deaf and the blind,
It’s immigrants, Muslims, and brave refugees,
It’s Liberals with bleeding hearts fixed to their sleeves.
And we are all staying, we’re staying right here,
and we’ll be the great bane of the Trump for four years.
And we’ll be twice as loud as the loudness of hate,
be the greatness that makes our America great.
And the Trump’s loudest boasts they won’t ever obscure,
over two million more of us—voted for her.
While you were sleeping 
Oh how we needed this! Thanks for helping a bit to relieve the coming tragedy…sigh
My feelings exactly. Stay strong!
Thank you -so clever- the perfect Christmas poem for this year with a message of hope at the end-
Will become viral I’m sure!
Please give us the strength to keep fighting!
[…] satires took over Twitter in October. Here is a recent one from John Pavlovitz, a pastor in […]
I did one of my own a while ago on Dec 7th. I love that Great Minds Think Alike. Loved yours. Sharing now mine that was up on Facebook and my blogs.
How the Grinch Stole Freedom-Ville
By Suzanne Wagner
Every person down in Freedom-ville.
Loved their country a lot…
But the Grinch,
Who lived in his gold tower
In Man-Handle-ton
Did NOT!
The Grinch hated when people were free!
The Grinch despised equality!
Now, no one knows exactly the reason why.
It could be that in his childhood the rules were too tight.
It could be that he needed something that he did not ever get.
It could be that his father did not notice or forgive.
But I think that the most likely reason for his terrible plight
was a heart that was never given enough love and light.
So one day he looked out from this tower
and saw that love was beginning to flower.
He snarled and glared with a pout on his face.
I must find a way to stop such a disgrace!
Then he growled, and with his finger nervously drumming,
he tweeted lies and kept accusations coming.
For,
Tomorrow, he knew….he was going to make a change.
He was going to make himself great again.
But
For whatever reason, his small heart or small hands,
he stared down from his tower at the people protesting his commands.
With his sour face and Grinchy frown,
he continued to try to break the world down.
There were those that would not listen you see.
They continued to love indefinitely.
They continued to love and shine a light,
through the darkness and fear that he tried to ignite.
People shouted and banged the drum,
of love and peace to make a world of Yum!
The Grinch hated the joy he wanted to keep it all.
No one else was to enjoy that thrall.
He cloistered himself way up high,
and brought only those who agreed with his lie.
They too bought into his greed and control.
They also had small hands, hearts, and souls.
But down below the people of Freedom-Ville
made lots of noise and danced until.
Those that were angry began to turn,
back towards the love that endlessly burned.
All were invited and asked to join.
All were allowed regardless of color or coin.
The Grinch was angry and could not stand to hear,
the joy and laughter as he wanted them to fear.
And then the people of Freedom-Ville,
did something that the Grinch could not fulfill.
Every person from Freedom-Ville,
the tall the short, the dark and light,
the hurt and happy, and those with fright,
started singing a song of peace and hope.
And suddenly the people felt that they could cope.
But the Grinch could not stand it, he would not comply.
He wanted a world he could control with his lies.
He lost his mind and reacted in rants.
His anger wanted to destroy all the world even the plants.
He wanted the money more than the love.
He wanted them to fear him high up above.
Then the Grinch got an awful idea!
He would disguise himself as a person that cared for the plight
of those that suffered in his created blight.
He pretended to change and wanted to help others heal.
He pretended to care when he was just looking for another deal.
Half of those in Freedom-Ville
believed they should listen to his appeal.
All those actions that caused so much harm.
They wanted to believe he could spin another yarn.
They called out, “Give him a chance!
Perhaps even he can learn to dance!”
That feeling inside that guides you to truth.
They ignored it all in the face of his sleuth.
The Grinch gathered up the most despicable types
who had the power but would show stars and stripes.
He tried to make up stories to show
that his associates were honest down to their toes.
He dressed them up and made them pretend
that they were honorable and willing to bend.
Then he made himself into a savior of sorts
after all he knew so many where looking for that type of support.
Some of the people of Freedom-Ville were lazy you see.
They really wanted others to do what they found hazy.
So the Grinch capitalized on that confusion and fog.
He spoke in ways that felt like breathing smog.
So all dressed up to impress and provoke
he brought his entourage down to those “lower” folk.
To distort and separate, to create fear and despair,
to break their hearts and their wills ensnare.
He took from the people all that he could.
He took joy and he took the good.
He ran in bliss as the fear took control.
He changed all that love into gold.
Then he ran like a miser back to his home,
to his bank vault he wallowed in his golden tower dome.
He had taken all the love. He had taken all the joy.
It was his to control and his to employ.
He took their food. He took their trees.
He took the land and killed the bees.
He lied to the children and took away their hope.
He did not care how they would cope.
All that mattered was what would fill up his heart.
But his heart was small and this gold stuff would not make is heart start.
So he did not care if his heart would not beat,
then he would make everyone’s also like his in defeat.
He took it all and he danced in the street.
He brought it all to his tower which was quite a feat.
He smiled at his skill, he smiled that he had won.
“The people of Freedom-Ville would finally succumb.”
Now all those people who believe in love
will know that they depend completely upon me above.”
Then there was a noise and such a cry.
The Grinch listened and smiled so sly.
Waiting for that pain to explode
but as he watched something below began to glow.
The sound was not sad the sound was of joy.
He thought, “This cannot be as I have all the toys!”
The Grinch peered down from his protected tower
to see the glow of a golden shower.
The people had joined their hands in peace.
They realized that things would not make them complete.
He had not stopped the love at all.
He had created a space for a greater call.
And the Grinch with his grinch-hands and ice-cold grinch-heart
was puzzled at how this could even start.
“How could they be happy they are supposed to be sad.
I have all the stuff, packages, and bags.”
He thought and he thought till his thinker was sore.
Till he finally thought of something he hadn’t thought of before.
“What if love does not come from a store?
What if love is something more?
And then something happened as he touched his small heart
and with those small hands he felt a beat start.
Suddenly his heart did not feel so tight.
His heart got bigger in the bright morning light.
He called all the minions up to his tower
and asked them to create a golden coin shower.
So from way high up above
all that was taken he wanted to get rid of.
The moral of this story you see
is that you cannot take from someone what was meant to be.
Within each heart no matter how small
is a spark that needs love and is an ego’s downfall.
When you will not allow another’s greed to take
what you have cultivated and carefully baked.
Then you are full no matter what someone does.
You are complete when there is no “because”.
~Parody by Suzanne Wagner~
Loved it Suzanne! I cannot take credit for How the Trump Stole America for I only shared it. You are the talented one. 🙂
Thanks for the share, well worth it.
Well written! Thank you!
THE MEDIA WAR
There is a war in America
That borders on mass hysteria
Should it be “media is” or “media are?”
Like Dr. Seuss’ eggs, this can be carried too far
Or angels dancing on the head of a pin
But, trust me, it’s important who will win
One side contends “media are” is correct
But to this the others object
They say the heart knows the media is one
Their enemies counter that it can’t be done
“Medium are” is the right way to go
If you have an education, this you will know
To write “media is” is uneducated and rural
They turn up their nose and fight for the plural
Newspapers, radio and TV aren’t one, you see
To this the “is” people chide “you can’t fool me.”
The “are” people go for the status quo
Claiming it has to do with your right to know
They roll out their favorite word – “choice”
With more “ares,” they note, you have a voice
But the others say that’s not true
After all, the media defines what’s new
We’ve been here before
We even went to war
Let’s hope we don’t go that far
But before Appomattox we said “The United States are.
Great post but a little to easy on Clinton.
As a Bernie supporter, your Clinton remark was an understatement 😉 None the less, this is a treasure!!! God Bless Us All, and to all Happy New Year ❤
Awesome and true thank you