“So, 2016 didn’t turn out to be such a great year. What’s that? You’ve been in a coma all year so you haven’t heard? Well then, let me tell you about it.
• We lost a whole bunch of great artists and celebrities over the year. Beginning with David Bowie and ending with Debbie Reynolds. I won’t list everyone here, but suffice it to say a lot of GREAT people passed away in 2016, while many evil ones soldier on. I’m still waiting for the day when Richard Bruce Cheney’s rent-a-heart gives out. I promised myself years ago, when the Dick of Darkness passes on to that big quail covey in the sky, I’d fly to his gravesite with my prized bottle of 37 year old Lagavulin and pour a dram of my finest whisky over his rotten remains. Right after I strain it through my kidneys.
• 2016 was a surprisingly contentious year for Democrats. The internecine nature of the primary process went deeper and lasted far longer than it should have. And in spite of my efforts to channel the late Rodney King on my threads, many folks failed to stay focused on the looming threat: The Orange Juggernaut that plowed through his 16 Republican rivals who were clamoring for attention, like a hot knife through butter.
• And then Brexit happened. That’s where the people of Great Britain tried to out-stupid us Yanks (and they damn near did, but oh boy, did we ever have a surprise in store for them! Nobody out-stupids America).
• That’s when that weird thing happened with We the People. It seems that somewhere around 62 million Americans failed to heed the warning signs. Warning signs such as… Every single major newspaper in the nation declining to endorse said Orange Juggernaut. Even conservative newspapers in oxblood-red states like Arkansas, Kentucky, Texas and Alabama. They said “Vote for her. He’s bad news!” And not a single newspaper said otherwise, save one minor rag in Santa Barbara California with a circulation that amounts to less than the population of a small island in the Pacific.
And they failed to heed the warning signs from the man’s own mouth when he boasted of accosting and sexually assaulting women haphazardly. You think that’s a big deal? Not so much, apparently. Not even with the 80% of Evangelicals, 60% of white Catholics and 42% of women who went on to vote for him.
And they failed to question their own patriotism when it was revealed that a foreign power, one openly hostile to America’s interests had been covertly working on behalf of the Orange Juggernaut. And perhaps even more alarming, those 62 million never bothered to ask themselves WHY a hostile nation would prefer one candidate over the other. All they knew is that if ALL the newspapers across the country, and ALL the informed pundits, and ALL of our traditional allies were opposed to him, and ALL of our international rivals were rooting for him … then he was the man for them!
So dear friend, that was the year that was. My advice to you would be to go back to your coma. In the case of 2016, ignorance was anything BUT bliss. It swept this nation like a plague.” – Bruce Lindner